Creating a Circle of Strength

We all know that life can throw many curve-balls that can leave you overwhelmed and ready to give up.  When we have so many things going on in our lives the last thing we need is unhealthy behaviours from either friends or families.  Don’t for one minute think that you are “allowing” their behaviours in your life.  When you are going through difficult times you won’t have the strength to deal with any added issues from friends and families and you shouldn’t have to.  It is not wrong to have expectations that people should know how to behave towards you when you are dealing with a lot of stress.  It is basic expectations to expect others to be understanding, sensitive, compassionate and empathetic. 

Sadly, not everyone was socialized in basic human behaviour when it comes to dealing with others who are going through a difficult time. Matter-of-fact, they have the audacity to behave as if you are inconveniencing their lives with your difficult time.

  And instead of them having the good sense to stay away if they are not going to be genuine and loving, they impose themselves into your life and expect you to chin-up, suck it up, don’t inconvenience them and be on call when they want something from you.  Or they might be nice, caring for a few days and then suddenly they start being nasty towards you.  That’s because they were faking their concern.  They just did enough for you to think well of them and then they go back to being their true self.  They may even have the temerity to accuse you of not being understanding of their life and their busy schedule.  This kind of about turn behaviour can leave you feeling drained, aghast and shocked.

  You may even find yourself apologizing to them for inconveniencing them when you are the one going through a difficult time.  These are not the kind of individuals you need in your life.  Unfortunately because you are going through a difficult time their behaviour makes it worse for you and creates more of an emotional stress for you.  However, this is the time that it is important that you create your own circle of strength.

But how do you go about developing the tools necessary for creating your own circle of strength?  While creating a circle of strength does involve surrounding yourself with strong, compassionate and empathetic friends who are socialized in the norms of civilized human behaviour, it is important that you surround yourself with people who love themselves.

  People who do not love themselves and have a deep internal hatred of themselves won’t know how to genuinely be there for you.  Those individuals will have you on an emotional roller-coaster ride that will have your Mind twisting and turning and have you wondering what you did to them and why they are behaving that way towards you. 

 Their behaviour will seem sociopathic.  One minute they will pretend that they care for you and will go through all the motions and then when you have opened your heart to them they turn around and abruptly change their behaviour.  If you do not have a strong mind, their abrupt behaviour will crash you, especially if they have been doing it for awhile.  It will cause your mind to flip-flop.  These individuals will seek you out when you are the most vulnerable and strike at that inopportune time.  That is called emotional and mental abuse.

Unhealthy emotions contribute to a weak mind.  In order to strengthen your mind, examine how you feel about yourself.  If deep within yourself you hate yourself and feel that you don’t deserve anything good then your mind will reinforce those feelings and turn them into thoughts.

  Those thoughts become powerful weakened thoughts that are open for the self-hatred of others.  When you hate yourself any difficulty that you experience in life will be magnified.  However, when you love yourself deeply and know that you deserve the best, whatever difficulties you go through, you will have a circle of strength that surrounds you.  So while you won’t initially be able to necessarily stop someone from behaving a particular way towards you, when they do begin to behave insensitive and manipulative towards you, you will be strong enough to stand up to them and if they still do not change their behaviour, then you will be strong enough to walk away from them because you love yourself way too much to stand for that kind of emotional and mental abuse.  You know deep down within you that you deserve the best. It is your birthright.

 

Keep your focus for longer

Being focused is powerful and attracts success. For many people their focus only lasts a short while before slipping away. When you’re clear about what you want to focus on*, the next step is to keep that focus. Do whatever it takes to maintain it.

Discovering what you’re going to focus on may or may not have been the easy part, depending on you as an individual. Now comes the really challenging part, maintaining that focus. Being focused for a day or two is easy; what is difficult for most people is to continue day after day. This commitment is required so that momentum builds, progress is made and you see the results. If you don’t maintain the necessary focus, your effort will be half-hearted and your use of all resources will be ineffective, including your time. You made a decision about what to focus on and now you can choose to maintain that focus.

There are likely to be many things which side-track you. You may have doubts: “Are these the right things to be focusing on?” Or distractions, interruptions and things that seems to get in the way. Loss of enthusiasm, lack of confidence or information overload can all cause you to question your focus. At least every day and when any of these things take you off track, re-connect with your focus in order to maintain it.

What does it take to keep focused? Write down your specific areas of focus as a clear reminder and keep them prominent. Spend time regularly visualizing and journaling about you being focused and the things you’re focusing on. Bring this alive for yourself. You need to see yourself as someone who is focused and continually practise it. Believing yourself to be a focused person is a crucial step and this belief will encourage you to take the action necessary to support this. Be aware of any negative self-talk and beliefs that hold you back from being focused and move beyond them. Remind yourself of the big picture, your vision and take steps each day that are aligned with it. It’s one thing to say that you’re focused and another to do it. As they say, actions speak louder than words, so take action every day, however small. Remind yourself regularly of your compelling reason. If at any time it’s not compelling enough to inspire you naturally, go back and reinforce it.

Focus can often be seen as hard work but it doesn’t have to be that way. Plan your time to do something totally different, to revitalize you and to leave you free to hear the clues your intuition is giving you. Listen to your intuition for feedback about being focused and appreciate the need for feedback from others. Be open to receive feedback as encouragement and clarification. Accept that being focused is a journey and keep learning and practising along the way.

Maintaining your focus comes from seeing progress. Measure this progress by the steps you take each day. Make each action step a doable task and be consistent. A little done every day soon adds up to lot. Set performance goals each day for the things you’re focusing on. Celebrate these steps and celebrate yourself when you are focused. Build on the successes of being focused and they will increase. At times, go back and discover what you need to focus on again and use this as an opportunity to re-assess and gain clarity.

Staying focused is easier with a partner, someone who will encourage and challenge you to be focused. Find a focus partner you feel accountable to, who is willing to have fun yet still challenge you. Be willing to do whatever it takes to be focused and find ways to keep it fun, outrageous and treat it as a game. The game may be to record how long you’re able to stay focused and to challenge yourself to increase it each time.

Joy of Spirit

What brings you joy? What really brings you joy, as opposed to what you think brings you joy?

We have all been taught that we will be happy when we: find our soul-mate, make money, and work at something we love. Or, we will be happy and fulfilled when we have a house, have a child, do service. Yet I have worked with people who have and do all of the above and are still not happy, and I know of people who have little or none of the above and are frequently joyful.

You might try to find your joy with substances such as alcohol or drugs, but I have never met anyone using these substances whose energy was truly joyful. You might try to find your joy through getting love from others or through sacrificing yourself and caretaking others, but I have never met anyone who was a taker or caretaker who was truly joyful. So, what creates joy?

Joy is not the result of what you do. Rather, you can find your soul-mate, make money, work at something you love, have a house, have a child, or do service with or without joy. Joy is a state of being that enters your heart when you are open to learning and taking loving care of yourself.

Joy, like love and truth, is a gift of Spirit. Joy, love and truth enter your being when your heart is open. Joy is the feeling of exuberance and oneness that envelopes you once you have opened to feeling your pain, learning from it, and moving through it. 

Joy cannot enter your heart when you are protected against your pain. When you protect against your pain, you close your heart to avoid the pain, and joy cannot enter a closed heart. Thus, joy is the result of doing your inner work to learn to keep your heart open.

Sometimes I am amazed by this feeling of joy. I used to think that my joy would come from good things happening outside of myself. I certainly love for good things to happen, but often I find myself feeling great joy even when nothing is happening!

I feel joy when my Inner Child feels loved by me, important to me, cherished by me, seen by me, valued by me. I feel joy when I attend to my wants and needs, saying “no” to others when I mean no, and “yes” to others when I mean yes. I feel joy when my Inner Child feels safe inside, knowing that I am taking care of her, knowing that I am connecting with my spiritual Guidance each moment so that we are not alone.

Joy is your birthright. It’s what makes life worth living. Once you taste it, you will want more and more of it. Yet too many people stay stuck in their safety zone, thinking that protecting against pain and trying to get love is what will make them safe and happy. But do you really feel safe inside? Are your protections really working to create safety within? 

If you are willing to be honest with yourself and see that your protections aren’t working, then maybe you will open your heart and embrace your pain, with a deep desire to learn what you may be doing that is causing it, so that you can feel the joy of Spirit.

 

Perseverance

When the veil of darkness has draped itself around your life and concealed the tears of your pain and despair, when the destiny you had envisaged has all but faded like water amongst the golden sands of the desert, when you stand alone in your hour of adversity and need and no-one is willing to stand beside you, when the battles within your life are on the verge of defeat and ruin, when you are in exile within your own mind, when your heart is empty and is merely watered by the tears of your agonized and anguished soul.

When you feel like a bird caged behind bars which once flew high above snow capped mountains free and unhindered and now reach out to touch the essence of your dreams, when tears and sorrow have embraced your soul, when the temples of your dreams lie in ashes like the ruins of an ancient age gone by and there are no traces of your footsteps within the valley of your dreams.

When the haunting silence of the darkness hangs like a shadow within the depths of your heart. When you cling like a child to the dreams of yesterday, when the light of dawn refuses to appear and the sun refuses to shine, when each day has become an eternal struggle to survive.

When there is no light amongst the darkness within your existence, when your wounds cry out to be healed, when fear has held courage ransom, when your soul stands in solitude and loneliness choking on its tears of isolation under a moon which no longer smiles and no longer yearns to gaze at his children; the stars, when all those around you have betrayed you, when love has left your heart and refuses to return.

When you no longer believe in yourself, when pain and grief are your constant companions, when there is no vision within the mists of your agony, when no one is willing to listen to and understand you, when peace seems to be in a distant world, when life no longer has the belief to run within your veins, when you have become a fugitive within your own mind and shackled like a slave within your own insanity, refuse with every last drop of sacred blood within your bruised and battered body, to surrender your soul to the pains of your existence.

You must believe in yourself-even if all those around you doubt you and in your ability to rise from within the insanity in which your life now finds itself and to stand tall against the obstacles and challenges within your life-and you will conquer all that you believe cannot be conquered and all that which you believed you had lost within your life.

It is from the darkest hours of our lives, from the depths of our despair and pain and in our greatest hour of adversity that we find an inner strength, an inner courage and an inner meaning so vast that it enables us to rise from our knees and stand tall and fight that which has made us weak.

Just as water runs from a stream, as the oak tree grows strong and upright, as snow-the softest and most peaceful of natures elements-covers the most fierce of mountains and tames its anger portraying it merely as a pawn within the hands of nature so new life and meaning will emerge from your own inner source.

Do not at any cost surrender your life to the weaknesses within your life. Do not surrender your life to the mediocre thoughts of others; do not surrender the belief you hold in yourself and in your abilities, do not surrender the dreams that you have worked so hard to hold within the palms of your hands. For what right do others have to judge another’s dreams for they have not walked a mile in your shoes! There are no limits to your courage and determination. The only limitations are those that we place upon ourselves. Our thoughts make the world what we want it to be. Mould your thought into a weapon of immense power.

Destiny & Karma

The law of destiny determines what forces influence our lives to ensure we encounter the life experiences that we require for our continued development. Destiny is essentially a series of opportunities that enable us to learn lessons, acquire new abilities, develop our consciousness and help others.

Destiny is commonly regarded as fate; a fixed timeline of events that is inevitable and unchangeable. Although the words are often used interchangeably, fate and destiny have quite different meanings:

Fate is usually seen as “set in stone” and often has negative connotations, e.g. the jury decided his fate. Fate is an agent that predetermines and orders the course of events.

It means that events are “meant to be” and are set in motion by an external force or intelligence. Destiny is more of a likely outcome and often has a positive feel, e.g. he is destined to become a star. Destiny guides us towards a specific goal, but without our willful participation we will not achieve our destiny.

Put simply: destiny is opportunity and fate is karma. We are in control of our destiny but have no control over our fate. Destiny cannot be forced on us; if we are forced then it is our fate.

Destiny gives us an opportunity to turn a situation to our advantage and accomplish something great through our own efforts. It is designed to give us the best opportunities for the development of our consciousness, but it is only an outline – not an exact script. It doesn’t detract from our free-will in any way, because we decide exactly how we want to act in any situation.

The basic outline for our life was planned (pre-destined) before we were born to give us the right opportunities for growth. But we don’t have to follow the pre-destined route if we don’t want to.

A life plan can be compared to a maze, and our life’s purpose is to complete the maze. We don’t know where we are going or where we will end up, so all we can do is make our way through life using our best judgment. Every wrong turn leads to a dead end and every correct turn leads to progress.

A correct turn may not correspond to success in the physical sense, for example: failing to get a promotion may not seem like the best outcome from a financial perspective, but it might actually be the best outcome for the development of your consciousness. We all occasionally make what appear to be bad decisions, but if we learn from those seemingly wrong decisions we eventually discover that they were in fact right decisions.

If we deviate from our life’s plan we may need to be coaxed back on to the right track, and the further we stray from the optimal path the harder the lessons get. Every choice we make affects our future and therefore our destiny. Right now we are experiencing the destiny (and the karma) that arose from choices we made in the past. Collective human destiny is largely decided by the planetary hierarchy but most people are egotistical and think they know better.

Change your Attitude-Change your LIFE

Sure, it’s easy to say, “Change your attitude and you’ll change your life,” but how do you do that if you don’t know what to do? After all, if changing one’s attitude was easy why don’t more people do it? Especially if it means they could be happier, more joyful, and much more successful?

Honestly, I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that changing one’s attitude doesn’t need to be difficult and, in fact, can be quite easy. . . . All you need is to consistently employ a few simple techniques and you’ll be on your way. So, to get you started, here are my 10 tips to get you started on improving your attitude. Good luck!

1. Think like you want to be

It’s tough to be happy, joyful, successful, etc. if you don’t think that you are a happy, joyful, and successful person. Think it first, and then do it!

2. Smile

There’s no arguing with this one -research has shown the smiling has both psychological and physiological effects. So, put a smile on your face and you’ll be on your way to a change in attitude!

3. Immerse yourself

Read books, articles, magazines that help you understand and adopt the new attitude. Watch films or listen to music that inspires you and encourages you to change.

4. Change your actions

It’s hard to change your attitude if you keep doing the same old stuff the same old way. Do things differently to start thinking differently.

5. Change your environment

Make your environment reflect the attitude you wish to have. Create the physical spaced that makes you eager to change.

6. Follow the leader

Find someone who already has the attitude you wish to have. Follow their lead, learn from their example.

7. Help others (and help yourself)

One of the fastest ways to change your attitude is to take the focus off yourself and to help others in need.

8. Get a little help from your friends

Let everyone know what you’re doing and enlist their support to help you change and give you ideas. The more you feel like you’re part of a group effort; the more likely you are to be successful.

9. Get a pro

If the change you desire to make is a big one or is extremely radical, consider getting the help of a mentor, counselor, or coach. These professionals can reduce the time and frustrations involved as well as provide you with many new ideas to help you grow.

10. Be patient

Recognize that most changes occur slowly, over an extended period of time. If you don’t get immediate results, don’t be surprised and DON’T QUIT! Keep working, it’ll come.

 

Willpower – Your Inner Strength

Willpower is the inner strength and the inner engine that propels towards success and achievement. It is the power that pushes into action in every area of life. Willpower is one of the most important and desirable inner powers, and its lack or presence determines whether you will fail or accomplish your desires and ambitions and attain success.

Willpower is erroneously considered as a quality belonging only to highly successful people, who depend on strength and force to achieve their goals. The truth is that it can be developed by everyone, and it is important, useful and desirable in the small affairs of life, as it is in the achievement of major goals.

If you usually feel too lazy, developing your inner strength will help you to overcome this laziness. If you usually procrastinate, possess low self-esteem, feel weak and vulnerable or lack self-control, strengthening this power will help you too.

Willpower, which is inner strength, manifests as the ability to control unnecessary and harmful impulses. It also manifests as the ability to decide, abide by this decision, and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. This ability gives you the courage and strength to endure and overcome inner and outer resistance and opposition, difficulties and hardships.

There are many who lack the inner strength to say “no”. Others find it difficult to follow and assert their ideas and beliefs. Some are afraid to take action and make changes or they lack resolution and the persistence to go on with their plans to the end. A strong power of the will can change all this.

It is the right and privilege of everyone to develop this ability. Everyone can develop it to a greater or smaller extent, depending on the desire, earnestness, ambition and time devoted to developing and strengthening this inner power.

Developing willpower and inner strength is a gradual process that anyone can undertake. Some will be able to reach higher levels of power, while others will reach different degrees of development, but the way is open to all.

You will have to give up some unnecessary and harmful pleasures and change some unhealthy habits, but this is for a higher good. You give up something harmful or useless, in order to gain strength and power that will help you in every area of your life. In fact, the whole process can be turned into an absorbing, enjoyable and interesting challenge.

Training and exercising your willpower will fill you with strength, courage, and assertiveness. As your power grows, it will be easier for you to get rid of habits and attitudes that stand in your way to a better life. You will gain inner strength that will help you at your job and at home, in your relationships, with carrying on your tasks and with accomplishing your ambitions.

Inner strength is when you have true control of your composure instead of showing emotion or reacting in a way that may cause the situation to worsen. It helps you become successful in keeping to your personal resolve!

Friendship vs Love

Both are so much related to each other. And both are so dissimilar! What are the differences between friendship and love? Is platonic friendship possible between persons of opposite sex? Let us try and understand.

What is friendship? Why do we call a person our friend? When do we call someone a very good friend? If we care for a person, if we are always ready to help that person and if we share most of our thoughts with a person, they are our good friends. We can always count upon our good friends in an emergency. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends.

What about love? In a relationship of deep love, all the sharing that we discussed above are taken for granted. But love transcends all this. During love, we are attached with a particular person, while in friendship, one may have many friends. A loving relationship makes one so much attached to the other, that one gets pained if his/her beloved is hurt! Love also involves a physical element. Friendship does not have that. This is a vital difference. Nature gives us love so that the specie can go forward. Nature does not give us friendship.

Your heart beats will never increase in anticipation of meeting your friend. You will not lie awake at night thinking about your friend. You will not feel totally lost, if you don’t meet your friend for a few days. You will not have dreams in your eyes thinking about your friend. But in love, you will do all this and much more. Indeed, there is no comparison between love and friendship.

Friendship vs. Love

Friendship is a quiet walk in the park with the one you trust Love is when you feel like you are the only two around Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart Friendship is being close even when you are far apart Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart when they are not near Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best Love is when you bring them the very best Friendship occupies your mind Love occupies your soul Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there when in need Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side Friendship is a warm smile in the winter Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares A tender laugh, which opens your heart A single touch that melts away your fears A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth Friendship can survive without love Love cannot live without friendship

 

Hug and Heal Yourself…

Sometimes, the simplest things in life are also the most beneficial. Take hugging, for instance. At some time or the other, we all have experienced the feeling of comfort and security of a warm and loving hug. There’s nothing that makes us feel better than a good, solid squeeze from a friend or a loved one. But the benefits of hugging go beyond feeling good.

Studies conducted in several countries have found that a simple cuddle is a powerful therapeutic mechanism. These studies have found that hugs can improve the health of your heart, lower your blood pressure, increase your immunity, and help you fight stress and anxiety. Of course, hugs also strengthen feelings of bonding.

According to a report in The Independent, “The benefits of hugging are now so widely recognised that, in the US, it is sometimes prescribed instead of medication.” It adds that “hug therapy” is being promoted as a way to tackle with depression, reduce social isolation and foster feelings of belonging.

With so many studies substantiating the therapeutic properties of hugging, isn’t it unfortunate that most of us hug only superficially? A superficial hug, instead of coming about as a result of genuine affection, is one that is performed as a custom. A quick and casual hug is not the same as a genuine cuddle, and consequently, does not offer the same benefits.

According to Kathleen Keating, author of The Hug Therapy, “We need to recognise that every human being has a profound physical and emotional need for touch.” She adds, “There is something godlike everyone possesses in our arms, hands, fingers. This is the power to make someone feel cherished…the power to give [and receive at the very same time!] kindness, warmth, tenderness, support, healing, security – and most of all belonging.”

Hugging is so basic a need that not only must we indulge in it as frequently as we can, we must encourage others too, to follow suit. So, the next time you feel like hugging someone, don’t hold yourself back. Cuddle wholeheartedly. Don’t be in a hurry to get it over and done with. Don’t think of it as a chore. It’s a beautiful expression of affection that also promotes healing and good health. So hug – for a happier, healthier world.