We have all been taught that we will be happy when we: find our soul-mate, make money, and work at something we love. Or, we will be happy and fulfilled when we have a house, have a child, do service. Yet I have worked with people who have and do all of the above and are still not happy, and I know of people who have little or none of the above and are frequently joyful.

You might try to find your joy with substances such as alcohol or drugs, but I have never met anyone using these substances whose energy was truly joyful. You might try to find your joy through getting love from others or through sacrificing yourself and caretaking others, but I have never met anyone who was a taker or caretaker who was truly joyful. So, what creates joy?

Joy is not the result of what you do. Rather, you can find your soul-mate, make money, work at something you love, have a house, have a child, or do service with or without joy. Joy is a state of being that enters your heart when you are open to learning and taking loving care of yourself.

Joy, like love and truth, is a gift of Spirit. Joy, love and truth enter your being when your heart is open. Joy is the feeling of exuberance and oneness that envelopes you once you have opened to feeling your pain, learning from it, and moving through it. 

Joy cannot enter your heart when you are protected against your pain. When you protect against your pain, you close your heart to avoid the pain, and joy cannot enter a closed heart. Thus, joy is the result of doing your inner work to learn to keep your heart open.

Sometimes I am amazed by this feeling of joy. I used to think that my joy would come from good things happening outside of myself. I certainly love for good things to happen, but often I find myself feeling great joy even when nothing is happening!

I feel joy when my Inner Child feels loved by me, important to me, cherished by me, seen by me, valued by me. I feel joy when I attend to my wants and needs, saying “no” to others when I mean no, and “yes” to others when I mean yes. I feel joy when my Inner Child feels safe inside, knowing that I am taking care of her, knowing that I am connecting with my spiritual Guidance each moment so that we are not alone.

Joy is your birthright. It’s what makes life worth living. Once you taste it, you will want more and more of it. Yet too many people stay stuck in their safety zone, thinking that protecting against pain and trying to get love is what will make them safe and happy. But do you really feel safe inside? Are your protections really working to create safety within? 

If you are willing to be honest with yourself and see that your protections aren’t working, then maybe you will open your heart and embrace your pain, with a deep desire to learn what you may be doing that is causing it, so that you can feel the joy of Spirit.

When you feel like a bird caged behind bars which once flew high above snow capped mountains free and unhindered and now reach out to touch the essence of your dreams, when tears and sorrow have embraced your soul, when the temples of your dreams lie in ashes like the ruins of an ancient age gone by and there are no traces of your footsteps within the valley of your dreams.

When the haunting silence of the darkness hangs like a shadow within the depths of your heart. When you cling like a child to the dreams of yesterday, when the light of dawn refuses to appear and the sun refuses to shine, when each day has become an eternal struggle to survive.

When there is no light amongst the darkness within your existence, when your wounds cry out to be healed, when fear has held courage ransom, when your soul stands in solitude and loneliness choking on its tears of isolation under a moon which no longer smiles and no longer yearns to gaze at his children; the stars, when all those around you have betrayed you, when love has left your heart and refuses to return.

When you no longer believe in yourself, when pain and grief are your constant companions, when there is no vision within the mists of your agony, when no one is willing to listen to and understand you, when peace seems to be in a distant world, when life no longer has the belief to run within your veins, when you have become a fugitive within your own mind and shackled like a slave within your own insanity, refuse with every last drop of sacred blood within your bruised and battered body, to surrender your soul to the pains of your existence.

You must believe in yourself-even if all those around you doubt you and in your ability to rise from within the insanity in which your life now finds itself and to stand tall against the obstacles and challenges within your life-and you will conquer all that you believe cannot be conquered and all that which you believed you had lost within your life.

It is from the darkest hours of our lives, from the depths of our despair and pain and in our greatest hour of adversity that we find an inner strength, an inner courage and an inner meaning so vast that it enables us to rise from our knees and stand tall and fight that which has made us weak.

Just as water runs from a stream, as the oak tree grows strong and upright, as snow-the softest and most peaceful of natures elements-covers the most fierce of mountains and tames its anger portraying it merely as a pawn within the hands of nature so new life and meaning will emerge from your own inner source.

Do not at any cost surrender your life to the weaknesses within your life. Do not surrender your life to the mediocre thoughts of others; do not surrender the belief you hold in yourself and in your abilities, do not surrender the dreams that you have worked so hard to hold within the palms of your hands. For what right do others have to judge another’s dreams for they have not walked a mile in your shoes! There are no limits to your courage and determination. The only limitations are those that we place upon ourselves. Our thoughts make the world what we want it to be. Mould your thought into a weapon of immense power.

Destiny is commonly regarded as fate; a fixed timeline of events that is inevitable and unchangeable. Although the words are often used interchangeably, fate and destiny have quite different meanings:

Fate is usually seen as “set in stone” and often has negative connotations, e.g. the jury decided his fate. Fate is an agent that predetermines and orders the course of events.

It means that events are “meant to be” and are set in motion by an external force or intelligence. Destiny is more of a likely outcome and often has a positive feel, e.g. he is destined to become a star. Destiny guides us towards a specific goal, but without our willful participation we will not achieve our destiny.

Put simply: destiny is opportunity and fate is karma. We are in control of our destiny but have no control over our fate. Destiny cannot be forced on us; if we are forced then it is our fate.

Destiny gives us an opportunity to turn a situation to our advantage and accomplish something great through our own efforts. It is designed to give us the best opportunities for the development of our consciousness, but it is only an outline – not an exact script. It doesn’t detract from our free-will in any way, because we decide exactly how we want to act in any situation.

The basic outline for our life was planned (pre-destined) before we were born to give us the right opportunities for growth. But we don’t have to follow the pre-destined route if we don’t want to.

A life plan can be compared to a maze, and our life’s purpose is to complete the maze. We don’t know where we are going or where we will end up, so all we can do is make our way through life using our best judgment. Every wrong turn leads to a dead end and every correct turn leads to progress.

A correct turn may not correspond to success in the physical sense, for example: failing to get a promotion may not seem like the best outcome from a financial perspective, but it might actually be the best outcome for the development of your consciousness. We all occasionally make what appear to be bad decisions, but if we learn from those seemingly wrong decisions we eventually discover that they were in fact right decisions.

If we deviate from our life’s plan we may need to be coaxed back on to the right track, and the further we stray from the optimal path the harder the lessons get. Every choice we make affects our future and therefore our destiny. Right now we are experiencing the destiny (and the karma) that arose from choices we made in the past. Collective human destiny is largely decided by the planetary hierarchy but most people are egotistical and think they know better.

Honestly, I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that changing one’s attitude doesn’t need to be difficult and, in fact, can be quite easy. . . . All you need is to consistently employ a few simple techniques and you’ll be on your way. So, to get you started, here are my 10 tips to get you started on improving your attitude. Good luck!

1. Think like you want to be

It’s tough to be happy, joyful, successful, etc. if you don’t think that you are a happy, joyful, and successful person. Think it first, and then do it!

2. Smile

There’s no arguing with this one -research has shown the smiling has both psychological and physiological effects. So, put a smile on your face and you’ll be on your way to a change in attitude!

3. Immerse yourself

Read books, articles, magazines that help you understand and adopt the new attitude. Watch films or listen to music that inspires you and encourages you to change.

4. Change your actions

It’s hard to change your attitude if you keep doing the same old stuff the same old way. Do things differently to start thinking differently.

5. Change your environment

Make your environment reflect the attitude you wish to have. Create the physical spaced that makes you eager to change.

6. Follow the leader

Find someone who already has the attitude you wish to have. Follow their lead, learn from their example.

7. Help others (and help yourself)

One of the fastest ways to change your attitude is to take the focus off yourself and to help others in need.

8. Get a little help from your friends

Let everyone know what you’re doing and enlist their support to help you change and give you ideas. The more you feel like you’re part of a group effort; the more likely you are to be successful.

9. Get a pro

If the change you desire to make is a big one or is extremely radical, consider getting the help of a mentor, counselor, or coach. These professionals can reduce the time and frustrations involved as well as provide you with many new ideas to help you grow.

10. Be patient

Recognize that most changes occur slowly, over an extended period of time. If you don’t get immediate results, don’t be surprised and DON’T QUIT! Keep working, it’ll come.

Willpower is erroneously considered as a quality belonging only to highly successful people, who depend on strength and force to achieve their goals. The truth is that it can be developed by everyone, and it is important, useful and desirable in the small affairs of life, as it is in the achievement of major goals.

If you usually feel too lazy, developing your inner strength will help you to overcome this laziness. If you usually procrastinate, possess low self-esteem, feel weak and vulnerable or lack self-control, strengthening this power will help you too.

Willpower, which is inner strength, manifests as the ability to control unnecessary and harmful impulses. It also manifests as the ability to decide, abide by this decision, and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. This ability gives you the courage and strength to endure and overcome inner and outer resistance and opposition, difficulties and hardships.

There are many who lack the inner strength to say “no”. Others find it difficult to follow and assert their ideas and beliefs. Some are afraid to take action and make changes or they lack resolution and the persistence to go on with their plans to the end. A strong power of the will can change all this.

It is the right and privilege of everyone to develop this ability. Everyone can develop it to a greater or smaller extent, depending on the desire, earnestness, ambition and time devoted to developing and strengthening this inner power.

Developing willpower and inner strength is a gradual process that anyone can undertake. Some will be able to reach higher levels of power, while others will reach different degrees of development, but the way is open to all.

You will have to give up some unnecessary and harmful pleasures and change some unhealthy habits, but this is for a higher good. You give up something harmful or useless, in order to gain strength and power that will help you in every area of your life. In fact, the whole process can be turned into an absorbing, enjoyable and interesting challenge.

Training and exercising your willpower will fill you with strength, courage, and assertiveness. As your power grows, it will be easier for you to get rid of habits and attitudes that stand in your way to a better life. You will gain inner strength that will help you at your job and at home, in your relationships, with carrying on your tasks and with accomplishing your ambitions.

Inner strength is when you have true control of your composure instead of showing emotion or reacting in a way that may cause the situation to worsen. It helps you become successful in keeping to your personal resolve!

What is friendship? Why do we call a person our friend? When do we call someone a very good friend? If we care for a person, if we are always ready to help that person and if we share most of our thoughts with a person, they are our good friends. We can always count upon our good friends in an emergency. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends.

What about love? In a relationship of deep love, all the sharing that we discussed above are taken for granted. But love transcends all this. During love, we are attached with a particular person, while in friendship, one may have many friends. A loving relationship makes one so much attached to the other, that one gets pained if his/her beloved is hurt! Love also involves a physical element. Friendship does not have that. This is a vital difference. Nature gives us love so that the specie can go forward. Nature does not give us friendship.

Your heart beats will never increase in anticipation of meeting your friend. You will not lie awake at night thinking about your friend. You will not feel totally lost, if you don’t meet your friend for a few days. You will not have dreams in your eyes thinking about your friend. But in love, you will do all this and much more. Indeed, there is no comparison between love and friendship.

Our body, mind, heart and soul are designed to live in and be fed by extraordinary human love. But how do we get there from our familiar rounds in Ordinary human love?

Ordinary human love originates in the irresponsible perspective of wanting to be loved. We focus on consuming love. We go around in love scarcity, looking for someone to love us. We live in the childhood longing to have our unmet childhood needs finally fulfilled. When someone appears to be fulfilling our needs, and we say to them “I love you,” what we actually mean is, “I need you to keep fulfilling my needs. I want to own you. I have to have you. I want to possess you and control you so that you keep taking care of me.” We conclude that if someone is fulfilling our needs then they apparently love us and we apparently love them.

The ordinary definition of love meaning “an exchange of need-fulfillment” gets shaky when we start asking what is meant by the term “need.” Specifically, which aspect of our psychology, emotionality, personality, or habitual thinking patterns is speaking for us in the moment that we claim to have a need? What is really a need? Is it something that feels normal to us, like “I need you to put salt in the potatoes”? Is it something to make us comfortable, like “I need you to drive faster”? Is it a physical “need,” like “I need to pee”? Or is it more of a preference, like “I need a hug”? Is it fulfilling an expectation? Agreeing with an opinion? Reacting from old fears? Love entangled with needs gets very messy.

Extraordinary human love is a different agreement with life than maneuvering to have other people take care of us and fulfill our needs. In Extraordinary human relationship we are responsible Adults who take care of getting our own needs met.

Ordinary human love is like a paint-by-the-numbers kit that we got from our parents for a birthday gift. Extraordinary human love is a blank canvas with an easel, professional-quality brushes, and a full set of colors that we have bought for ourselves. The empty canvas is a true laboratory for experimenting with extraordinary human love.

Ordinary human love depends on the evidence of love (“He says ‘I love you’ to me every night before he goes to sleep”), or the experience of love (“I feel overwhelming joy every time I see her”). Ordinary human love is conditional. In comparison, extraordinary human love has no conditions. Instead, extraordinary human love is the condition.

In Extraordinary human love a person may have neither the evidence for love nor the experience of being loved, and yet still be in love. An Adult man or woman takes responsibility for realizing that love does not come from somebody else. Love comes from you.

Extraordinary human love is like this: You experience love when you love. You no longer wait around for love to happen. You walk around in a self-caused field of love. There is no lack of love because no matter where you go love happens. Love is not scarce, something you look for or try to find. Love is abundantly there because you are there. Love is the playing field that you create and sustain for your relationships to unfold into. The whole twenty-four hours are about making love because you are a love maker. With your partner, your colleagues, your children or your friends you have love for no reason, love without cause. Your relationships happen not so you might find love; they happen because you are already in the space of love, and you are the “space holder” for this love happening. Love is not an ideal or a fantasy. Love is the way. “I love you” is a declaration. Love exists because you say it exists.

In Extraordinary human relationship if you are not happy it is not the other person’s fault. If you are not happy it is because you have not taken care of yourself to be happy. Taking care of yourself to be happy is Adult responsibility. In Extraordinary human relationship your own happiness is a gift that you make and bring to your partner to share with them.

Studies conducted in several countries have found that a simple cuddle is a powerful therapeutic mechanism. These studies have found that hugs can improve the health of your heart, lower your blood pressure, increase your immunity, and help you fight stress and anxiety. Of course, hugs also strengthen feelings of bonding.

According to a report in The Independent, “The benefits of hugging are now so widely recognised that, in the US, it is sometimes prescribed instead of medication.” It adds that “hug therapy” is being promoted as a way to tackle with depression, reduce social isolation and foster feelings of belonging.

With so many studies substantiating the therapeutic properties of hugging, isn’t it unfortunate that most of us hug only superficially? A superficial hug, instead of coming about as a result of genuine affection, is one that is performed as a custom. A quick and casual hug is not the same as a genuine cuddle, and consequently, does not offer the same benefits.

According to Kathleen Keating, author of The Hug Therapy, “We need to recognise that every human being has a profound physical and emotional need for touch.” She adds, “There is something godlike everyone possesses in our arms, hands, fingers. This is the power to make someone feel cherished…the power to give [and receive at the very same time!] kindness, warmth, tenderness, support, healing, security – and most of all belonging.”

Hugging is so basic a need that not only must we indulge in it as frequently as we can, we must encourage others too, to follow suit. So, the next time you feel like hugging someone, don’t hold yourself back. Cuddle wholeheartedly. Don’t be in a hurry to get it over and done with. Don’t think of it as a chore. It’s a beautiful expression of affection that also promotes healing and good health. So hug – for a happier, healthier world.

Upon your first meeting you may feel as if you have known each other for many years or lifetimes, and you probably have. You may also feel like you can share anything you are experiencing in your life without editing your words or holding back in any way. There is this simple presence together, and a closeness that allows you to relax with this person and fully be yourself.

“A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves steps out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who were pretending to be.” ~ Richard Bach

You may not believe this, yet there is at least one person on the planet right now that totally fits this description of being your soul mate. The good news is that you don’t have to struggle, strive and search on internet dating sites for years to locate this person. You have a natural manifesting power inside you that will attract this divine enlightened connection quicker than you think! When you are living with love, joy and appreciation in your heart and you’ve healed all your past relationship wounding, you become a manifesting magnet for the mate of your dreams! There are many magical things that can miraculously manifest when you open your mind and heart to love. When you are truly surrendered to love, to the source of love within you 24 hours a day, this divine soul connection will spontaneously appear in the most unsuspecting way.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

So are you ready to meet your soul mate this week? If not, what are you afraid of? What is really stopping you from being open to this possibility? Often the negative unhealed experiences from the past will block your heart from opening again to trust in love. This fear can create a protective wall around your heart that may blind you from seeing if your soul mate was standing right in front of you.

If your heart is still holding onto previous wounds and negative memories from past relationships, you might feel that it’s TOO dangerous to trust in love and think it’s safer to hide behind this wall. The interesting thing is that the walls that are formed around the heart will numb the feelings of pain AND any sensation of being loved.

These inner walls block both the positive and negative feelings, leaving you completely unable to have a personal intimate relationship. When this occurs there is only one way out. The key is to let down your guard, be real with yourself and trust the healing process of loving you just as you are.

“”Our soul mates seldom appeal to our personality your ego. That’s why they are called soul mates rather than ego mates.” ~Carolyn Miller

Even though you are a sensitive being and may not think you have a steel blockade around your heart, you can always choose to practice letting in even more love. The melting and healing of the smallest self-sabotaging thoughts that arise can allow for buckets of deep joy to pour into your heart. One of the greatest keys to manifesting an enlightened loving being is radical honesty with yourself. Ask yourself, “How far along am I on my spiritual path?”. One simple gauge for this is noticing the level of compassion you have for yourself, your beloved, and everyone else in the world. If you have tremendous love, respect and gentleness with yourself, you are making it 1000 times easier for others to find love for you. A heart overflowing with constant compassion for yourself and others becomes a giant magnet for attracting that enlightened divine lover from your outer world. The greatest blessing of all, is when this inner gentleness becomes a addictive habit, and you become the healing master of your life.

“Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” ~ Author Unknown

Just as each season of the year has its own color of light, each season of life will shine its beautiful light upon the soul. Open the eyes of your heart. Enjoy the splendour.

Each spring shower, summer storm, falling autumn leaf, and icy winter wind is necessary to complete the portrait of its season. Likewise, each human trial is necessary to teach, build resilience, strengthen faith, and guide you forward.

Every yesterday holds treasures, sometimes concealed by hurt, misfortune, and disappointment. Nevertheless, if you stay alert, you will discover blessings you would not have known had you not lived through darker days. All events affect your tomorrows; their lessons ripple through time like love spreading from parent to child to grandchild.

What treasures could you find within the clouds that surround you today? How will you view this day in a way that will benefit others and you?

Rest assured, each event, circumstance, and person you encounter blesses you. Each brings a rainbow of beauty and immeasurable value, a gift to help guide you along the path of your life’s purpose.