Being Honest…


Honesty is vital to making effective changes and identifying who you really are and what you really want. When you lie about who you are or what you really believe, you reinforce the idea that you need to pretend to be someone else or that you are not fundamentally “good enough”. Worse you undermine virtually every other key principle for self improvement because they are based on the premise that you have identified your authentic self and your goals. This is impossible to achieve if you are denying or deceiving yourself. Without the truth of who you are and what you really want, you cannot have clarity in life and you cannot achieve your dreams because you have no true direction.

Many people use self-deception and denial as a way of avoiding having to deal with issues about themselves, their circumstances,people around them or events from the past. What they often don’t realise is that this locks them in to an ineffectual cycle of self-sabotage and poor self esteem that blocks their ability to move forward in their lives and prevents them living their dreams.

Being honest does not mean that you have to confront all of your demons at once, but it does require that you make an honest start at identifying where your issues lie and accepting what they are. By identifying your issues, you are more able to see past them to your authentic self. Once you have identified your authentic self, it is easier to determine what it is you really want. And then you can start to move forward, choosing to deal with issues or simply work around them until you feel ready to deal with them.

You need to practice honesty at every level of your life, not just with yourself. When you are dishonest, you are effectively saying that you are not worthy enough, that you do not deserve good things and that the only way to get things is to lie or cheat. It really does not matter what it is… lying, cheating, stealing to exaggerating what you have done to impress people, not correcting too much change accidently given to you, having an affair… at the most fundamental level these things are not honest and are a negative affirmation to the self.

In this modern world of marketing,spin and half truths maintaining honesty might be seen as a bit of a challenge! But in reality it is not, we always know at a fundamental level what is truly honest and if you are ever in doubt, simply reverse the scenario and put yourself in the others shoes… does it still feel honest? Being honest does require a high level of self-discipline and is often really difficult to do at first because we have all got so used to those little lies and pretences that seemed to make life simpler. But that impression is false, being honest actually simplifies life considerably and releases an enormous amount of life energy from propping up complex and often completely useless webs of lies and pretences, that can now be channelled into something you really want to do.

The good news is that with practice being honest gets a lot easier, especially when you realize that others start to identify your authenticity and their respect grows accordingly. Furthermore you will be considered a far more reliable and balanced person because everyone will know exactly where they are with you.

Finally I would like to remind you to be kind and to always bring your truth from a loving place. Too often I have seen truth used in other ways, used like a weapon, wielded self-righteously like a sword and causing misery and havoc to all around. If you have found your honesty and your truth, you will also have learnt many other spiritual tools to help you cope with some of the difficulties that arise when you confront it. Remember that many of those around you will not be equipped with these advantages, so tread carefully. Not lying is not the same as thrusting your truth on everyone around. Stay honest with yourself, be honest with others and always come from a loving place.

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Dealing With Criticism and Difference in Opinion


Why this is important

We often become emotionally disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument, or when someone criticises us or disagrees with us. In such cases our personality usually feels hurt, demeaned and in danger.

When we feel this way, we destroy our own happiness, clarity and health and often behave in ways which we later regret.

Why this is important

We often become emotionally disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument, or when someone criticises us or disagrees with us. In such cases our personality usually feels hurt, demeaned and in danger.

When we feel this way, we destroy our own happiness, clarity and health and often behave in ways which we later regret.

A simple technique for gaining clarity is to:

1. Remember that concerning criticism, there are two possibilities:

a. The other person might be correct in his or her observations and criticism. In this case we would benefit by admitting it and making the proper adjustment in our behaviour. We have everything to gain by listening and evolving through others comments. What prevents us is the belief that we are not lovable if we are not perfect. Thus, we do not want to see or admit our faults. When we realise that we are worthy of love and respect even when we are not perfect or right, then we will be able to look at our faults.

b. The other person might be wrong. In this case, it is his or her projection, and we need not be affected by these misconceptions or projections. We have in this case the lesson of loving ourselves and also the others even when they perceive us in distorted and negative ways.

2. One solution would be simply not to react one way or the other at first, but to reflect upon what has been said for some time so as to evaluate whether or not it is true.

We can establish a space in our minds where we can store such questions about our personality structure or actions so as to observe objectively for ourselves if they are true. If they are not, then we simply continue on in the way we were.

We need not feel hurt, angry, defend ourselves, prove ourselves, or attack. When we feel inner security and self-worth, we do not need to react in these ways.

3. We can simply thank the other for this feedback and tell him or her that we will think about this observation and will gradually come to our conclusions, and if necessary, make changes.

We do not need to live our lives in accordance with other people’s perceptions. We can listen to all, but follow ourselves.

Why this is important

We often become emotionally disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument, or when someone criticises us or disagrees with us. In such cases our personality usually feels hurt, demeaned and in danger.

When we feel this way, we destroy our own happiness, clarity and health and often behave in ways which we later regret.

A simple technique for gaining clarity is to:

1. Remember that concerning criticism, there are two possibilities:

a. The other person might be correct in his or her observations and criticism. In this case we would benefit by admitting it and making the proper adjustment in our behaviour. We have everything to gain by listening and evolving through others comments. What prevents us is the belief that we are not lovable if we are not perfect. Thus, we do not want to see or admit our faults. When we realise that we are worthy of love and respect even when we are not perfect or right, then we will be able to look at our faults.

b. The other person might be wrong. In this case, it is his or her projection, and we need not be affected by these misconceptions or projections. We have in this case the lesson of loving ourselves and also the others even when they perceive us in distorted and negative ways.

2. One solution would be simply not to react one way or the other at first, but to reflect upon what has been said for some time so as to evaluate whether or not it is true.

We can establish a space in our minds where we can store such questions about our personality structure or actions so as to observe objectively for ourselves if they are true. If they are not, then we simply continue on in the way we were.

We need not feel hurt, angry, defend ourselves, prove ourselves, or attack. When we feel inner security and self-worth, we do not need to react in these ways.

3. We can simply thank the other for this feedback and tell him or her that we will think about this observation and will gradually come to our conclusions, and if necessary, make changes.

We do not need to live our lives in accordance with other people’s perceptions. We can listen to all, but follow ourselves.

Note:

A “thank you” is enough.