Letting Go – It’s time to Forgive

Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness isn’t always easy. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.forgiveness1

Forgiveness is a journey toward freedom from our past. It can be transformational, complex, is not to be taken lightly and cannot be commanded. If you are patient and open to the unfolding of forgiveness, your desire to forgive will be fulfilled.

There may be plateaus along the way where many of us are lulled into thinking the journey is complete, but you will know you have reached your destination when only love and gratitude remain in your heart for the person you have forgiven. When a hurtful past relationship has been transformed into an opportunity for personal growth and healing for which you are grateful—with or without an apology—then you know you are free.

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.Karma


Forgiveness – Letting Go…

Next to love, forgiveness is the most misunderstood concept. Forgiveness has been twisted by a lack of awareness as to how it functions. To forgive does not mean we must rejoin with our ex-lovers, free criminals from prisons, return to old jobs or anything else absurd. We are taught to believe that if we are to forgive the one who hurt us, it must manifest in some form of behaviour and it reflects weakness.

Forgiveness is a function of love that seeks to understand the negative impact of another person and then to release the pain and find inner peace. When you choose to forgive somebody this does not mean that you acknowledge their cruel behaviour as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins of others.

Let’s explore the truth of forgiveness. The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into “to let go”, which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the releasing (letting go) of negative feelings generated in you by another. It is your responsibility to let go of the hurt that another produces for you. The other person can apologise to you for their negative impact, but you still have to let go of the hurt feelings in order for forgiveness to become a healing experience.

What makes forgiveness so difficult, for so many? The greatest obstacle in the living of our life is the negative ego, which loves to hold onto a grudge and is our greatest source of resistance toward forgiveness. Our negative ego is what blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We hold within us grudges, bitterness and resentment which later manifest into stress, ulcers and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or find PEACE.

Forgiveness like all other soul qualities (peace, love, innocence, respect, oneness, and passion) does not require a type of behaviour. It begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Soul versus your negative ego. Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either feeling and expressing love or perceiving it’s absence, and having a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought that leads to constricting feelings. Forgiveness offers freedom to live a full and harmonious life.

The bi-product of forgiveness is our own willingness and ability to forget. If we cannot seem to forget then we have never completely let go. Holding on to pain only weaken us and produces misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battle field. Negative feelings evaporate whenever they are looked at calmly and honestly and are dealt with responsibly. Often this process is gradual. The desire to function from your Soul (love) and to live your life in peace is the greatest motivation for forgiving another.
If you feel that forgiving ads one more grudging obligation to your life, you are functioning from your negative ego.

You have to understand that forgiveness is the doorway to your happiness and is the choice to function with love. When you are attacked by another, you must first deal with the hurt feelings that you honestly feel. Forgiveness is not a short cut to avoid dealing with the negative impact of your emotions. Too many try to forgive without releasing their anger and hurt. That common mistake only represses the anger and it putrefies into resentment down the road.

A great habit to cultivate is to pause whenever you are having difficulty releasing an upset from your mind. Look directly, and in detail at the contents of your thoughts. Dissect your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain new perspective. Write them down in a journal to gain deeper clarity. And give yourself time to forgive, it doesn’t have to be instantaneous, but know it is necessary to your happiness and peace.
A person who claims they “love everyone equally” and are never hurt by others are not more spiritually evolved, but more likely emotionally repressed.

To be a spiritual, doesn’t mean you have to like the ego of everyone that crosses your path, for you would then become transparent and lose your individuality. Liking somebody and letting go of someone’s negative impact upon you are two completely different issues.

Self Acceptance

Self acceptance is a large factor in the whole self-esteem personal issue. Self acceptance is the acceptance of self for who you are. Self acceptance can be described as an agreement between you and you. A condition of this agreement is to appreciate and accept yourself and love you complete with what you may consider faults and also your positive points. Practicing self acceptance also means forgiving yourself, and cutting yourself some slack from time to time.

Lack of self acceptance leads to many self-created challenges in life, and typically affects our relationship with ourselves and relationships with others. People who suffer from a lack of self acceptance often have a tenancy to conceal their true good natures and present themselves as something, or someone they are not to other people. Sadly, it becomes evident that the shoes they are wearing don’t really fit, in a manner of speaking.

Lack of self acceptance actually creates a cycle that cements low self-esteem. People who suffer low self-esteem often feel that people don’t like them. Unfortunately this is only partially true. It’s not the person themselves that isn’t liked; the fact is other people rarely even know who they are. They have never been their true self around other people so they have never had the opportunity to know if they are not as themselves. When people who suffer a lack of self acceptance allow themselves to be themselves, they soon learn that others truly enjoy their company.

A lack of self acceptance and its natural effect of contributing to low self-esteem results in a lower success rate in the achieving of success in life. People who suffer low self-esteem rarely have the confidence to strive for their desires. Those that do make some attempt to turn their wishes into goals are not usually so successful, they have not visualized a positive outcome in the beginning and will simply give up instead of pushing on when the way forward seems a difficult one. Basically people with low self-esteem lack the confidence to succeed.

If you suffer from a lack of self acceptance there is so much you can do to rise up out of your present difficulties reach the desires you have been denying yourself for too long now.

Learn to forgive yourself. It is a natural part of the human experience that we should make mistakes. Our friends make mistakes, our families make mistakes. We forgive others when they may have acted in a way that might not have been acceptable. We forgive others when they are not so perfect. We owe it to ourselves to forgive ourselves just as we would any of our friends. The truth is that we love many of our friends because of their imperfections.

Learn to view your mistakes as lessons in life. The fact is that there is no such thing as a mistake, unless it is something that has somehow hurt someone else. The more lessons we learn in life the fuller our life experience is. Learn to be grateful of the lessons that gave you the opportunity to experience a richer, fuller life. There are times when we have unintentionally hurt someone along the way; usually this is someone we love. These people forgive us in a heartbeat, as we forgive them. If you may have bridges left to build, now is the time to make amends. Forgive yourself first and move on.

Open your heart…

The human heart is amazing in its ability to experience love, wisdom, compassion and caring.

By living life with a full and open heart it means opening it to all; and accepting the passion, mystery and flow of life. Living with a full and open heart also means accepting each powerful impact when the flow of life hits hard.

What happens when the passion of life brings sadness, sorrow and disappointment beyond the human ability to tolerate? Patterns of reaction, defensive protection, and other survival instincts take over and there is separation from the heavy and broken heart. Unfortunately there is also separation from the deep love, joy, and caring for life. And so life has been.

The divine heart’s higher frequency is beyond the mental fields of dualistic thought. The divine heart’s frequency is beyond the vibration of good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, just or unjust. The divine heart is simply pure divine energy. The divine heart is simply pure divine love, pure divine wisdom, pure divine joy, pure divine grace, pure divine peace, and pure divine essence.

The goal of life is to attain omnipotence and omniscience on the highest cosmic plane, and the meaning of life is actively working towards that goal. All life is potential perfection, and life’s experiences enable that potential to become a reality. The universe only exists so that we can realise our potential. We are all of the same origin and we are all working towards the same goal. We all gradually evolve from ignorance to omniscience, from bondage to freedom, from impotence to omnipotence, and from individuality to unity.

We need to remember that everything in life is an opportunity for our consciousness to develop. We must not squander those opportunities or waste our lives on meaningless activities or get overly caught up in emotionality of life. Life is a long series of present moments that can only be experienced in the “now”. So don’t waste your present moments agonising over past moments or worrying over what you might experience in future moments.