Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself!!


Here are some tell tale signs of people who constantly live in the past, consumed with self-pity and stuck in a rut. These people never take responsibility for their mistakes, always looking to gain sympathy from others and are just down right negative! Be careful they don’t suck the living life force out of you!

  • YOU FIND IT HARD TO LAUGH AT LIFE AND AT YOURSELF.  

Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity.  Beware.

  • YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR DRAMA. 

In truth, you’re a little bit of a Drama Queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you.  Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).

  • YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR SYMPATHY. 

Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered.  This is a dangerous, highly manipulative way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.

  • YOU TEND TO BE AN INDIVIDUALIST.

Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family and people around you.

  • YOU TEND TO BE A PAST-ORIENTATED PERSON.

Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past.  Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.

  • YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves.  The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.

  • DEEP DOWN, YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU’RE WORTHY OF LOVE.

This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behaviour.  Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for the self-destructive person.  It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.

  • YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY HABIT OF BEING SELF-ABSORBED.

Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.

  • YOU HAVE A STRONG FIGHTING INSTINCT.

This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for.  When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.

  • YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY FEEL GUILTY.

Often times self-pity is an unconscious way of avoiding taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past.  When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we’ve committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people.  In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.

 

 

What is Counseling?


Counseling is a special relationship built on confidentiality, mutual respect and open communication, with the intention of helping people to clarify and identify their problems and to find their own solutions. It is about empowering the client to make their own decisions; it is not advice giving or offering sympathy.

Many people may use counseling skills as part of their work, but the counseling relationship is quite different, as it entails commitment and clear boundaries.  The principle behind counseling is that it helps enormously to share problems with someone who is there to listen and try to understand how things are for you, the client.

The counselor is unbiased and there to offer support and strength during emotional times. More importantly they can help you unravel the reasons behind issues such as depression, substance abuse and low self-esteem, or come to terms with childhood pain caused by bereavement or sexual abuse.

Counseling is a process during which you will come to know yourself, to understand why you engage in the same destructive behaviour or repeat the same patterns, it is a journey of self discovery which can be painful and difficult, but the end result is a more fulfilling and enlightened life.

There are many different forms of counseling, each with different ideas about how the human psyche has developed and different ways of working with issues. Therapy is more short-term that concentrates on one issue and tries to find ways of solving this, good for work problems and relationship issues.

 Humanistic counselors place great importance on the relationship between client and counselor and believe in the essentially positive nature of human life, they tend to work more creatively and are more client orientated.

What Happens in Counseling?

In a typical session you would meet with your therapist to decide whether counseling is what you need and also whether you feel you could work together. It is important if you are going to be able to share personal aspects of your life with the counselor, that you feel a connection and warmth as well as trust and confidence. Counseling is suitable for most people and most problems, providing you really want to change your life and are willing to experience some emotional turmoil along the way.